1. Darts - 501
Let's get this event off to a flyer, 501 darts, best of 3 legs. Drinking before, during and after this event is to be actively encouraged. If it looks like 180 to you, it probably is! Hitting a double is much easier if you've been drinking them for a couple of hours too!
2. Ten Pin Bowling
Just an excuse to see the two gladiators go round in stupid shoes with their IQ's embroidered on them.
3. Table Top Football
ASBO claims to be the intercontinental tag team champion of this event. Is he correct, or just supreme bullshitter? We can't wait to find out.
4. 50m Sprint Swimming
Any style you like, as you're not likely to end up drowning yourself. Big question is, will the wimps go for a heated pool, or are they gonna show true mettle and conduct this event in the Hampstead Ponds sometime in January?
5. Chin ups
Reverse Czech style, pop til ya drop. Last man hanging on will win this one.
6. Golf
9 holes, pitch and put matchplay. What could be simpler? This event has been cut down from 36 holes, as it will take several hours to explain to the two Einsteins how matchplay works.
7. Boules
Bocce, Petanque, Kubb..... you probably know it as that silly game foreigners and yuppie artheads who deserve to die play. Hopefully we'll get out of this one without ASBO launching a boule at some unsuspecting member of the public.
8. Aussie Rules Kickoff
Yup, it's that famous game played by Czechs the world over, slightly modified to give ASBO a fighting chance. 10 shots at goal from 30 metres, if tied after that, sudden death.
9. Basketball
One on one self refereed challenge. I can see this one ending in tears, or at the very least a punch up. My money is on ASBO racking up the personal fouls and getting himself booted out of the game inside 30 seconds.
10. Darts-Cricket
No idea how this works, but I believe this is based on the ancient Czech game of crziikkryykzest. (Pronounced cricket in a Czech accent).
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"The heaviest thing to carry - a GRUDGE." (Anon)
About the Grudgemeister
- Grudgemeister
- Grudgeville, Principality of Grudge
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10 comments:
These would have to be the 10 gayest events known to man, apart from paultalbotart demonstrating his skill t pocket billiards in the bogs at some dingy chocolate cha cha boy infested dive in Soho late on a Saturday night.
Real men don't eat quiche, or take part in nancy boy Grudgeathlons!
Ben Ben Ben Ben Look Look Look
Tomas - he kick me Look Look Look
Guru. Even with 4 eyes you have know idea whats going on. Leave the games to the big boys.
Don't push it anonymous, I'll ban your internet
apparently:
The risks of swimming
A sign warns hikers on the trail to Hanakapiai Beach.Swimming is generally a healthy activity and enjoys a low risk of injury compared with many other sports. Nevertheless there are some health risks with swimming, including the following:
Drowning, inhalation of water arising from
Adverse water conditions swamping or overwhelming the swimmer or causing water inhalation.
Actions of others pushing under water accidentally in play or intentionally.
Exhaustion or unconsciousness.
Incapacitation through shallow water blackout, heart attacks, carotid sinus syncope or stroke.
Adverse effects of immersion
Secondary drowning, where inhaled salt water creates a foam in the lungs that restricts breathing.
Salt water aspiration syndrome, SWAS.
Thermal shock after jumping into water can cause the heart to stop.
Exostosis which is an abnormal growth in the ear canal due to the frequent, long-term splashing of water into the ear canal. (Known as Surfers' ear or Swimmers' ear)
Exposure to chemicals
Disinfectant Chlorine will increase the pH of the water, if uncorrected the raised pH may cause eye or skin irritations [6].
Chlorine inhalation; breathing small quantities of chlorine gas from the water surface whilst swimming for long periods of time may have an adverse effect on the lungs, particularly for asthmatics. This problem may be resolved by using a pool with better ventilation, with an outdoor pool having the best results.
Chlorine also has a negative cosmetic effect after repeated long exposure stripping brown hair of all color, turning it very light blonde. Chlorine damages the structure of hair, turning it "frizzy." Chlorine can dissolve copper which turns blonde hair green. Proper pool maintenance can reduce the amount of copper in the water, while wetting the hair before entering a pool can help reduce the absorption of copper.
Chlorine will often remain on skin in an anhydrous form, even after several washings. The Chlorine becomes odorous once it is back in an aqueous solution (when salivated on, during a shower, etc.)
Infection
Water is an excellent environment for many bacteria, parasites, fungi and viruses affecting humans depending on water quality.
Skin infections from both swimming and shower rooms can cause athlete's foot (boat bug). The easiest way to avoid this is to dry the space between the toes. [7]
Microscopic parasites such as Cryptosporidium can be resistant to chlorine and can cause diarrheal illness when swimmers swallow pool water.
Ear infections, otitis media, (otitis externa).
Unfortunately, when chlorine levels are improperly balanced, severe health problems may result, such as chronic bronchitis and asthma.
Swimmer's own actions
Overuse injury; competitive butterfly stroke swimmers for example may develop some back pain, including vertebral fractures in rare cases, and shoulder pain after long years of training, breaststroke swimmers may develop knee pain, and hip pain, and freestyle and backstroke swimmers may develop shoulder pain, commonly referred to as swimmer's shoulder (a form of tendinitis).
Hyperventilation in a bid to extend underwater breath-hold times lowers blood carbon dioxide resulting in suppression of the urge to breathe and consequent loss of consciousness towards the end of the dive, see shallow water blackout for the mechanism.
Adverse water and weather conditions
Currents, including tides and rivers can cause exhaustion, move swimmers away from safety, or pull swimmers under water.
Wind enhances waves and can blow a swimmer off course.
Hypothermia, due to cold water, can cause rapid exhaustion and unconsciousness.
Sunburn severity can be increased by reflections in the water and the lack of clothing worn during swimming. Long-term exposure to the sun contributes to risk of skin cancer.
Objects in the water.
Propeller damage is a major cause of accidents, either by being run over by a boat or entanglement on climbing into a boat.
Collision with another swimmer, the pool walls, rocks or boats.
Diving into a submerged object, or the bottom, often in turbid water.
Snagging on underwater objects, particularly submerged branches or wrecks.
Stepping on sharp objects such as broken glass.
Dangerous aquatic life
Stings, jellyfish and some corals.
Piercings, sea urchins, zebra mussels, stingrays
Bites, sharks and other fish, snakes, lobster or crabs.
Electrocution, electric rays, electric eels.
when questioned, ASBO remarked;
"it wont affect me, I'm so good, I swim 2cm above the water, slippery as an eel"
He was later seen sporting a pink rubber ring, two arm floats and a foam tube (this was not poolside but entering a brazillian lady's house......
Can someone explain how cricket darts is played. Due we substitute the cricket ball for darts. If so I dont trust asbo. I heard something of a bodyline series in the 30's and cant help but feel my body may be used as a dart board.Can we cancel this game.
Typical squib Czech... are you man or EE-EE-EE?
Gee, didn't think there was a nation of bigger wimps than the Aussies, but I guess we've found it. Czech Republic, come on down.
THE RULES
The chin must be raised above the bar.
Each single chin-up must be started from a hanging position, i.e. the arms must be straight in the "down" position.
You can dismount as often as you wish.
Video documentation must be provided. The camera should be at the height of the bar so that it is possible to decide whether the chin cleared the bar. The full body of the contestant must be visible all the time.
You can use the grip you prefer (palms facing face or palms away from face),i.e. there is no distinction between chin-ups and pull-ups.
The chin must be raised above the bar level, otherwise the chin-up has to be disallowed by the judges.
Leg kicks and lower-body movements cannot be used to gain momentum in the exercise.
WORLD RECORDS: 1 MINUTE
37
Jean-François Huette (FRA) 24 Aug 1996 Festival des Records, Le Tour Blanche
40
Robert Natoli (USA)
4 Feb 2006 in Oswego, New York (USA)
42
Stephen Hyland (GBR) 7 Mar 2006
in Stoneleigh, Surrey
46 Tomas Beck (Czech) 21 Sept 2007 in Wembley, London
44
Robert Natoli (USA)
10 Feb 2007
in Oswego, New York (USA)
as seen over Tomas's shoulder after tuning his skills at basketball today, looking up his favourites
http://www.foosball.cz/
obviously contacting his former coach for pre match tatics
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